Two Hearts Forever Read online

  Two Hearts Forever

  Two Hearts Trilogy - Book Three

  Harper Bliss

  Contents

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  1. Anna

  2. Zoe

  3. Anna

  4. Zoe

  5. Anna

  6. Zoe

  7. Anna

  8. Zoe

  9. Anna

  10. Zoe

  11. Anna

  12. Zoe

  13. Anna

  14. Zoe

  15. Anna

  16. Zoe

  17. Anna

  18. Zoe

  19. Anna

  20. Zoe

  Author’s Note

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  About the Author

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  This book is not a standalone. In order to get the most out of it, you need to have read part one, Two Hearts Alone, and part two, Two Hearts Together.

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  1

  Anna

  “I have the most autistic family,” April says, “and none of us would change a thing about it.”

  It’s my third session with her, and April has opened up to me in a way that makes me wonder if she does this with every client—and if so, how does she possibly cope?

  In our second session she disclosed her own Autism in such a casual way, I almost missed it.

  “It’s a process, Anna,” she says. “You’ll get there in the end.”

  I’m not there yet, but I’ve come a long way already, even though this is only my third session with April. Talking about my Autism Spectrum Disorder with her, just simply admitting it, and being open about it without feeling the crushing weight of shame I’ve always felt before, has snapped me out of the anxiety loop I’ve been stuck in for a very long time.

  “What was it like when you came out of the closet?” April asks.

  I shrug. I came out so long ago, I barely remember. “It was fine.”

  “What was it like for you to discover that you liked women?”

  “In a weird way, it was a bit of a shock. Because, deep down, I guess I’d known forever, yet it took someone explicitly asking me if I might be a lesbian for the penny to finally drop.”

  “Sometimes the things that are most obvious about us are the hardest to see.” She curves her naturally crooked grin into a smile again. “Who was it that asked you?”

  “A friend I had in high school. Natasha.”

  “Are you still friends with Natasha?”

  I shake my head. “I’ve had a lot of friends over the course of my life and lost almost all of them.”

  April nods. “It’s funny that you use the verb ‘lost.’ Would you like to have kept them?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not very good at keeping up my end of the friendship bargain.”

  “And what would that be?”

  I have to think about this. I can’t immediately put it into words. April gives me the time I need, but this is a tough one for me.

  When I don’t reply after a few minutes, she asks, “Do you feel like you want to have more friends?”

  “Not really. But I do sometimes feel as though it’s expected of me.”

  “Expected by whom? You or someone else?”

  “By… society, I guess. Connection is supposed to be this big thing. Spending quality time with your friends and all that. Friday nights with Sean and Jamie are enough for me, but it sometimes feels like I should want more than that.”

  “Why?” What I have also learned in our three sessions is that ‘why’ is April’s favorite word ever.

  “Because that’s how it’s supposed to be.” I’m skirting the limits of my verbal acuity again. It feels as though the thought is waiting in my brain to be further developed by the words that come out of my mouth and when they don’t, the thought stalls as well, leaving me with nothing much to say at all.

  “Maybe for neurotypical people, and even then…” April says.

  “But how do you stop comparing yourself to neurotypical people?”

  “Why would you even start?” April asks matter-of-factly. “Do you compare yourself to straight people just because there are so many of them?”

  “No. I mean, maybe. Sometimes, I guess I do. When I see a straight couple walking hand in hand, I can get envious of the ease with which they can do that, without ever having to worry about anything.”

  “You don’t feel like you and Zoe could walk around Donovan Grove hand in hand?”

  “Not always. Not with the same effortlessness as straight people would.”

  “And that doesn’t seem fair to you?”

  “I’m used to things being that way by now. What I’m not used to are the feelings of inferiority when it comes to neurotypical people. It’s great for you and your family to embrace your Autism like that, but I would most certainly change it if I could.”

  “That’s okay, Anna. I’ve been where you are. We’ll work on that.”

  Saying things like this has, so far, been the most important thing that April has done for me. She makes me feel heard in a way I haven’t allowed myself to be heard before. Cynthia tried and tried, but it was hard to accept that kind of help from her because I was jealous of her neurotypical brain and I was convinced she could never understand. What April does is make me feel one of many. Most of all, she makes me feel as though what I’ve been going through is completely and utterly normal, which is something I haven’t felt about myself in a very long time—perhaps ever.

  “I guess,” I say, “what pisses me off the most is that I have to sit here and actively work on accepting myself, whereas for most people, self-acceptance isn’t even something they have to give much thought to.”

  “I would disagree with you there,” April says. “Because you have the key, Anna. You don’t know how to use it yet, but you already have the key to unlocking your self-acceptance. So many people, whether they are neurotypical or neurodiverse, don’t. You’re the one with the huge advantage in this scenario.”

  April has a way of twisting my words so that I’m forced to see things differently, which is not easy for me to do.

  “Let me ask you this…” A dimple appears in her cheek, so I brace myself, because I know she’s going to slap me around the face with something I haven’t thought of before. “You wouldn’t hold it against Zoe that she’s neurotypical, would you?”

  “I don’t hold it against anyone.”

  “You don’t hold it against her that she doesn’t have to be in therapy to feel good about herself,” April says.

  “No, of course not.”

  “And does she? Feel good about herself?”

  “I think so. I hope so, at least.” Maybe I haven’t asked her enough. What I have done is given her plenty of opportunity to walk away from me, but I’ve been too focused on myself to inquire much about her own well-being. “I should make a point of asking her. But she seems fine. She always appears so confident and at ease with herself.”

  “Ask her,” April says. “The answer may surprise you.” She rests her gaze on me. “My point is, Anna, that every single one of us has stuff to deal with and work through, no matter our neurotype. Everyone has a story. Everyone suffers.” For a split second there, I feel like she might burst into song again, this time the April Jenkins rendition of “Everybody Hurts”, but she doesn’t. She just looks at me.

  “I’l
l ask her tonight.” I’ll have no choice. Now that April has planted the idea in my head that Zoe might be suffering, despite all evidence to the contrary, I need to make sure that she’s fine.

  “Good, but don’t you go thinking that’s your only homework assignment this week.” A wide smile appears on her face.

  “Trust me, I wasn’t that hopeful.”

  “I’m glad we understand each other,” she says. “Try to find the words you couldn’t find earlier, when I asked you about friendship. And next time, try to tell me what it is you value about your friendship with Sean.”

  I make a mental note, even though I have also learned that homework from my therapist is not the same as homework you’re given in school. Maybe because this homework is about myself and, deep down, I already know all the answers.

  2

  Zoe

  Anna rolls her eyes and adds a sigh.

  “What?” I ask.

  “I can’t believe this woman has won two Oscars. She clearly can’t act to save her life.”

  “Those three Oscars and The Academy would disagree with you.”

  She sighs again. “The Academy is bullshit.” She shakes her head as though she has a very important point to make. “I never agree with them. Except when they give an Oscar to Meryl Streep. That’s the only time I ever agree. She should get all the Oscars.”

  I’m well aware of Anna’s schedule with her therapist—she goes once a week on Wednesdays—and I’m learning to anticipate the difference in her energy when I see her after a session.

  “Sounds like you should be a member of The Academy.” She’s sitting in an armchair and I slip in next to her, even though there’s no room for me. She accepts my intrusion by wrapping her arms around my waist.

  “I so should, except that I couldn’t bear it, you know.”

  “Maybe you could make it so that some Latinas get an Oscar instead of giving three to the same white woman.” I nod at the TV screen. I don’t even know who Anna’s talking about, although I’m sure that, whoever it is, she’s white.

  “I could list many a Latina who would be more deserving than—” She stops talking. “Was I ranting?”

  “Nah. You were being very amusing.”

  A sound comes from the hallway and Anna stiffens.

  “When is Brooklyn coming home?”

  “In time for dinner, otherwise she’s in trouble,” I repeat for the umpteenth time. I lean over and kiss her on the cheek. “That wasn’t the sound of Brooklyn coming home. Believe me, that is a much noisier affair.”

  “I should probably go before she gets here.”

  “You can stay, Anna. This is not a secret tryst.” I smile down at her again.

  “I know, but… maybe next time, okay?”

  “How about tomorrow?”

  I can feel her muscles tense even more. How foolish of me. Tomorrow would be nowhere near long enough notice for Anna. “Or sometime next week? Next Wednesday, after your session with April, when your anxiety is low?” I ask.

  “Can I confirm later this week?” she asks.

  “Of course.” I kiss her on the cheek again. “My daughter is a lot like me, you know. She doesn’t bite.”

  “I know,” Anna says. “She’s lovely, but I don’t have much experience with kids.”

  “You have two nephews.”

  “That’s very different than the daughter of the woman I’m dating. Jaden and Jeremy are my family. Brooklyn is…” She holds up her hand. “I mean, yes, she’s your daughter, and therefore automatically lovely, but, well, there’s a lot of pressure for her to like me. What if she doesn’t? I wouldn’t want you to ever feel like you’d have to choose.”

  While I appreciate Anna’s openness, I can hardly believe what I’m hearing. “What are you talking about? Where do you even get this stuff about me having to choose?”

  “I think it’s a valid concern,” Anna says drily.

  “Look, I get that you’re a little nervous about spending time with Brooklyn, what with her being a teenager and all that. And of course I’m super biased, but she is just such a great girl. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “Put yourself in my shoes, Zoe. What if I had a daughter you had to get along with.”

  “I would be extremely excited by that prospect.”

  “Well, yeah, of course you would.” Anna puts her head on my chest. “What time are you expecting her again?”

  “Any minute now.”

  “I should probably go then.”

  I chuckle. “Don’t go yet.” I run my fingers through her hair. “I wish you would just stay and eat with us. What are you going to eat at home?”

  Anna just shrugs, then looks up at me. “I promise I will have dinner with you and Brooklyn next week.”

  “Okay.” I bend toward her and kiss her on the lips this time. It’s a hell of a kiss because when our lips break apart Brooklyn is standing in the living room, only a few feet away from us. Anna as good as shoves me off her—as though Brooklyn seeing us kiss is the worst thing my daughter has ever seen.

  “Hi sweetie,” I say, trying to sound very casual.

  Anna’s rubbing her palms on her jeans as though kissing me has made them very dirty. “Hey,” she says. Her body language has instantly transformed—like she’s the teenager who’s just got caught making out with her girlfriend. “I was just leaving,” she says.

  “Didn’t look like you were leaving.” Brooklyn smiles at her. “Aren’t you staying for dinner?” She plops down on the couch and instantly reaches for the remote. “What are you watching? Ugh. Stacy Weston is awful in this movie.”

  I can’t help but snicker. I try to find Anna’s gaze, but it’s glued to a spot on the wall opposite her.

  “How about you lay the table, mija,” I say to Brooklyn. I walk over to Anna, while my daughter utters the biggest sigh. When it comes to chores, she’s not as lovely as I just made her out to be to Anna. “For two.” Brooklyn pushes herself out of the couch as though she’s hauling a bag of cement on her frail, teenage shoulders.

  “I have to feed Hemingway,” Anna says. “Bye, Brooklyn. See you soon.”

  “See ya,” Brooklyn shouts without looking at us.

  I walk Anna out, but she doesn’t linger.

  When I go back inside, I find myself almost apologizing to Brooklyn for what she walked in on, while there’s absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I was just kissing my girlfriend.

  “Is it okay if I have dinner at Jaden’s tomorrow night?” Brooklyn asks. “His dad wants to play Risk with us.”

  If all they’re doing is playing board games, Brooklyn can have dinner at her boyfriend’s house as often as she likes.

  “Sure.”

  “He said to say that Janet asked if you wanted to come along too, but I said you’d probably be on a date.” She has finished setting the table and sits down.

  “What does that mean?” It seems like I spend my days deciphering coded messages from my teenager as well as the woman I’m dating. “That you don’t want me to join you?”

  “I just don’t want it to turn into a big thing, Mom. If you want to spend time with Janet, just go for a drink with her.” There’s no code to decrypt there.

  “Maybe I will,” I say, and start serving dinner.

  3

  Anna

  I open the door to Bookends and let Hemingway walk in first. When I hear Zoe cooing over him, I follow him inside.

  “Sorry for not staying last night,” I say. “I have a few deadlines today and I didn’t want to go into sensory overload.” I feel a bit foolish about it now, but it’s how it is.

  “It’s absolutely fine.” Zoe doesn’t kiss me hello, which is very unlike her.

  Only then do I notice that we’re not alone in the store, although that would usually only stop me from kissing Zoe, not the other way around.

  “Who’s this handsome fella?” A tall, blond woman walks up to us and pets Hemingway at arm’s length, as though she really wants to come across
as someone who likes dogs, but is actually afraid of them. I’ve gotten so used to ushering Hemingway into the store with me, I sometimes forget that not everyone is a dog person.

  “This is Hemingway,” I say, while nudging him toward me.

  “You must be Anna.” The woman looks me straight in the eye, then stretches out her hand.

  “Um. Yes.”

  “This is my ex-wife, Eve,” Zoe says, while Eve almost crushes my hand in her grip.

  “Oh,” is all I can say. Eve must be a fucking model or something.

  “She just turned up,” Zoe says, her voice dripping with annoyance. “Without any word of warning.”

  “What can I say?” Eve says. “I live for spontaneity.” She has this wholesome glow about her that I truly believed only existed on television, but Eve has managed to recreate it in real life. Shanghai must be agreeing with her.

  “Tell that to your daughter,” Zoe says. I’ve never seen her like this before—I’ve never met this more venomous side.

  “It’s my daughter I came to see,” Eve says.

  “She’s in school,” Zoe says. “As children her age are this time of day.”

  “I thought it best if you and I talked first,” Eve says.

  “I think I’ll go,” I say. This is not a conversation—or a drama—I want to be part of.

  “Hold on,” Zoe says. “Can I talk to you in private?” She ushers me out of the store, without casting a further glance at Eve.

  “She just turned up. Just like that. As if it’s nothing. As if she still lives in New York and sees Brooklyn every other weekend.” Her words come fast. “It’s so fucking typical.”